A post about how I feel fine ends up being about something else…
I know what it’s like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can’t. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside.
I do know exactly what that’s like.
But I’m better now.But I think I might be better now.Well…
While I am happy most of the time, I still get upset and angry at seemingly irrational times.
I’m still hurting a little bit on the inside, but not as much as before.
My heart is still broken. It’s still breaking a little it more each day, but I’m stronger than I was before.
The good thing is that I haven’t thought about hurting myself in a while.
I mean, from one day in December I went without hurting myself for about three months. But I wasn’t really happy. And I still constantly thought about doing it.
But now, it’s only been a little bit more than a month.
And I haven’t thought about doing it.
I just don’t see what the point of it is. Hurting yourself on the outside does not kill the thing on the inside, it really only makes it worse.
In all honestly, I don’t know why I ever did it. I was stupid.
But I’m fine now.
And I know I’ve said that before, but I think that this time I might really mean it.
